The Gospel According to Jerry.

A synopsis of the book that didn’t make it into God’s NY Times Bestseller, the Bible.

Everyone knows a Jerry.

A “Jerry” is that loser kid who went to your high school. This particular Jerry’s teeth was in need of some braces, but his family couldn’t afford them. His jokes weren’t that funny, but he was easy to make jokes about. He rarely finished his homework, which would explain why he dropped out in his senior year.

Of course, this Jerry’s dad believed a pack of cigarettes was worth more than being a father to his kids. His mother, now tasked with being the sole bread-winner of the family, had to learn on the fly what it meant to be a single parent while simultaneously paying rent.

And as this Jerry matured, his arms and legs were soon covered in ink to signify to the world that Jerry was a somebody, or maybe it was just to convince himself. But upon closer inspection his tattoos and aloof attitude exhibited a more somber plea: I just want to belong. Jerry never knew the feelings of acceptance. It was his fault that everyone left him. And while he watched his peers go to college in far away from home, Jerry, the high school dropout, stayed in his hometown, taking the night shift at a Taco Bell.

Resentment always needs an outlet. And this Jerry was filled to the brim with it. Jerry was convinced it was just him against the entire world. Everyone had failed him. The only place he found acceptance was with those who thought the world was against them.

A brief audit of Jerry’s liaisons determined that he had racked up a total of four baby mamas. Impressive, given his jokes weren’t that funny and his crooked teeth was nothing to brag home about. His baby mamas weren’t laughing when they learned Jerry wasn’t joking when he said he couldn’t afford child support.

With a meager income working the night shift at a Taco Bell, Jerry started looting the 7–11’s and Walgreen’s to pay child support. Yet all that crime gave Jerry the rush he’d long for: that he was finally good at something.

And with any adrenaline rush, Jerry needed a bigger hit. And soon it went beyond convenience stores into robbing banks. But the banks were much better prepared for hits than Jerry accounted for. And the first bank raid was also the last. Jerry and his friend were arrested for stealing. Unfortunately for Jerry, he lived in a state that this crime deserved a death sentence.

For purposes of this story, let’s say it was Texas.

And on the day of his execution, Jerry was apathetic. What was point of living if you didn’t have much to live for? Better get it over with then drag it out.

Jerry’s co-conspirator was to his left. But in the middle was man. His eyes filled with sadness, yet almost divine. Jerry studied his features and couldn’t see anything wrong in him.

There was a crowd that would watch these executions. This crowd jeered the man in the middle. Taunting him that he was a liar and God had abandoned him. Jerry’s buddy soon joined in the chorus. But something deep down in Jerry refrained. For the first time, Jerry made his own choice.

“I think this man was who he said he was. Maybe he was the son of God.”

The man snapped towards Jerry, eyes filled with delight.

“Let’s go to the beach.” he muttered to Jerry

“Uh, what?”

“Jerry. I love you. I think about you all the time. I can’t wait to spend eternity with you.”

“You love…me?”

“Hang tight. Life is about get very very awesome.”

Jerry’s world turned black.

Jerry opened his eyes. He’s now in a giant stadium filled with tall men in white clothes. One of the men inspects Jerry.

“Guys! JERRY’S HERE!” the angel shouts.

“Holy moley! Jerry made it!” another exclaims.

The towering angels all turn toward Jerry, filled with excitement.

“Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” the stadium starts to chant.

And there, pushing his way through the crowd, was the man in the electric chair. He ran up to Jerry, embracing him in a tight hug.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” the man says

“Who are you?” Jerry asks.

“I’m Jesus. And I love you very very much, Jerry. I made you. I knitted you together in your mother’s womb.”

“But why? Why do you love me?”

“I love you because I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

“Let’s get the wine! Can someone please get the wine!” an angel interrupts.

“There’s no wine! Who drank the wine?!”

A man in the crowd sheepishly raises his hand, holding back the giggles.

“Noah drank all the wine!” an angel shouts.

“Ugh. Noah. Always drinking all the wine,” Jesus says.

And with the snap of his fingers, the entire sea turned into wine. The stadium roars. The saints flock the sea with their plastic red cups. There was enough wine for a century.

Jerry follows Jesus through the crowd. They approach a fancy sports car. Jesus takes the wheel, and rightfully blares some Carrie Underwood. Jesus puts on some shades.

“Let’s ride, baby.”

They cruise through a windy road. There’s no sun in the sky, but the earth is lit as if it were noon. Jerry’s hair whips in the air. Jesus turns to Jerry, beaming with delight.

“I’ve waited a long time for this.”

They make it to the beach. Jerry follows Jesus to the edge of the waves. Jesus picks up a handful of sand.

“See these grains, Jerry? They’re the thoughts I have towards you.”

Jerry studies the never-ending path of sand. All of these grains, just about him?

The day soon transforms into night. The sky, filled with the stars.

“See those stars Jerry, these represent all the plans I have for you in eternity. I made you to wonder. I made you to delight in my works.”

Jerry, overwhelmed, stares into the sky. Why him?

“I know what you’re asking, Jerry. Why you is simply because I choose you.”

Jerry was finally home. He finally belonged. And everyday here on out was only just the beginning.

And if this is true about Jerry, isn’t it true about you?